Discontinuing her plus two studies and marrying me at her 17, my wife at the age of 49 has suddenly left me in the lurch all alone in this world.
Her intense desire to live and extreme co- operation extended to the Doctors, the efforts taken sincerely by them, all have become futile by failing to a disease which still now surpasses the advanced medical world's research 'the treacherous CANCER' which has taken away my wife from me.
In my life so far I have not regretted for anything I have done or not done for everything I did knowingly, willingly and well realizing the outcome.
But for the past few days I am tormented by a guilty conscience the reason for which has to be detailed at length necessarily. My wife has of course lived happily with me to the best of my knowledge at all stages of life, even when winter and summer were the only seasons, and when my comforts were few.
In the initial days of our married life only smile was her ornament for she has parted with her golden belongings to support our livelihood. She remained as a source of consolation and strength by my side when I was surrounded by political heat and woes of personal life.
Never to bow down either for favors or desires has always been my temperament and she even outstood me in upholding self- respect at the cost of anything dearer.
I was not beside her when my three children were born due to my engagements with by- election campaigns, propaganda tours and agitations as an opposition party worker.
In the year 1982 when she was at the ripe of her pregnancy to deliver our first child citing a letter written by our leader Dr Kalaignar addressed to the party cadres on the eve of a by- election at Periyakulam titled 'My eyes are looking out for you' she insisted that it was meant for me and saw me off to the election front on Sep 15th.
A girl child was born on 17th and I came only on 19th to see the child and immediately after one hour when I told her my presence at the election campaign was imperative she without a sign of displeasure wished me good luck and bade farewell.
When our second child was born I was involved in an agitation and was under Police custody; she came with the child direct to the Police Station from the hospital to show me my child and expressed her concern about my well being without bothering about herself.
Well known for her hospitality as a very good host, unmindful of the numbers visiting us with a smile written face even at odd hours and preparing hot Dosas for me especially at 2 am are all something very exceptional of her qualities which helped a person like me in public life to keep my people around fed well.
She replaced the voidness of my mother's loss and never has tolerated me with a sorrow stricken face on any account. For the righteousness if one could feel in my political career she is the main reason I realize, for if the woman at home is greedy men in public life or any other walk of life cannot maintain integrity.
I recall with nostalgia the festivals and functions celebrated at my home filled with relatives and friends cutting across caste, creed and religion all because of the initiatives of her only.
All these things which I am narrating now, am sorry have never, ever shared with her when she was alive for which I am regretting day and night till today. One may say this is because of man's pride or ego. I say a firm 'no' for if that be the reason I would not have realized and felt it even now.
Some may defend that a busy politician's life might not have given time for such things. I strongly reject this also for it is quite illogical to say that one did not find ten minutes time in a married life of 32 years to speak to his wife her special qualities.
When I was disturbed over such a lapse of communicating after her parting, some in the name of consoling me said that women will understand our appreciations by themselves without we explicitly telling them. If that be true why do we need a language? Why synonyms? Why multiple words to convey one single feeling?
It is not only food that becomes useless if belatedly used, even words loose their meaning if not spelt at the right moment like 'Sorry' ' Thanks' and 'Love'.
Despite having learnt and realized a lot all through the life I strongly feel I have failed in one of my important duties. Had I once at least on some day during our life time told her that I have reached heights with her cooperation, a confusing problem was resolved by her, or her company had helped me to cross a difficult time, how she has lightened my moments of mental agony, her assistance by being nearby at times of odds have emboldened me how happy she would have been?
I am certain that even heap of rupees would not have fetched her the delight and pleasure which my simple words would have.
I was in Ooty that day addressing a public meeting when I got the news that her health condition was deteriorating. On my way back rushing home I was thinking that at least that day I should reveal to her all that is heaped in my heart without sharing all these days. But alas! She was at the hospital just alive but without consciousness. The doctors after all their efforts negatived my plea to restore her back to consciousness .
I bent down close to her ears and called her 'Devi' as I used to call though her name was 'Devikarani.' It was as Shahjahan called Mumtaj as 'Taj' fondly when they were alone.
On my third call one should call it a medical miracle that her eyebrows raised as if asking 'What' and next second trickled a drop of tear from the right eye. I was totally broken.
Having not spoken something which she would have relished a lot when she was hale and healthy I cried at her when she was not in a position to listen and understand my deep feelings and immense love for her and today I am sitting in front of her portrait and am crying bitterly.
When I could have spoken or should have I have not but I now keep telling my friends and relatives about her greatness in vain. Had I then I need not lament today thinking whether she left without doubt about my total understanding of her in the past.
We, platform speakers though could estimate fully well about our discourse through the appreciation of the audience and the veracity of the claps do further expect from our colleagues words of appreciation after the meeting is over.
In the same manner why do we fail to realize that women at home will also expect a word of appreciation or praise for their services, care taken, a different dish prepared, the involvement and dedication for us, and the family?
If the husband says a word of kindness the woman naturally will become overwhelmed. What do we lose by this? Then why do many of us fail to speak?
I realize now but late. It is more than 15 days now she has left me. Whenever I look at her portrait something rolls from down the heart upto the throat and tears start gushing.
Dear friends! I appeal to each one of you please speak to your wife about their company, their kindness, their responsibility, their patience and greatness. Kindly open up your heart and utter in words which I have failed to. Let my realization be an example for you to do things at the right time.
It is surprising that one whose profession is to talk to people has not talked to his wife intimately what he has felt and realized. 95 percent of those whom I meet agree that they sail in the same boat . The very thought of my lapse gives me more sorrow than her demise.
Fellowmen! Understand your wife because they live for us, beget our children, shoulder our problems, and carry forth with them all our relations all through their life and tell them you have understood their immense love and dedication.
I wish the agony and sorrow I am undergoing need not be experienced by another one. The sweet memories of her I am left with of our life are both a solace at the same time heavy also.
I write this with the hope that my experience would help some families at least. Please speak to your wife!
# Read this heart touching piece authored by Mr Tiruchi Siva, MP, Rajya Sabha, paying tribute to his wife who unfortunately passed away untimely due to cancer. Every husband must derive a lesson from this tearful narrative of Mr Tiruchi Siva. Hats off to him for this moving piece. Long live his wife Devikarani.
